I AM Enough

I have been working on this blog for the last month. I have actually had to change it a few times because during the course of this month, Keaton went from “about to graduate” to “just graduated”. In honor of Mother’s Day I figured it was time to get it published. Hopefully it brings a little smile to the hearts of anyone who struggles with feeling they are not enough or not doing enough for their kids.

I think that we all struggle with being enough for our kids. We don’t want to mess them up or drive them away. We don’t want to ignore them. We don’t want to do everything for them. Nowadays, there is advice for EVERY scenario you can think of and sometimes its hard to weed out the fluff and feel confident in knowing what you did or are doing as a mommy is/was what was best for your kids and truly know in your heart that it doesn’t really matter what so-n-so did…..because EVERY child is different….and EVERY family has different circumstances.

As I write this I think of where I am at with my three boys. Keaton just graduated from college and will be heading off to grad school.  He is official on his way…adulthood!!!  While he is certainly smart enough and completely a well-rounded kid, I can’t help but wonder if I “enjoyed” enough of the time I had with him?

Mason moved out last summer and is also attending college. He lives a couple of hours away and due to his work, golf and school schedule we don’t see each other often. He is doing well in school and we are so proud of his “living on his own” (he does have a roommate). This is certainly a natural progression of life, but I can’t help but wonder if I prepared him for all the things he needs to know to be on his own?

Then there is Evan. The last one I have left to teach. And literally I am teaching him. We embarked on a home schooling adventure this year that has had its rewards and struggles.  I wouldn’t take back one moment of this year because I have loved being with him, talking to him and just generally getting to know him. Yet I can’t help but wonder, have I taught him well enough?

As I struggled with all these thoughts, all of a sudden I realized…these are not my children. They are children of God.  And if I am doing my best to follow God’s commands in raising them…then I can only assume that I AM doing enough….that I AM ENOUGH!

Then just like that the seeds of doubt crept back in. Luckily, a couple of weeks ago while visiting the Island, I went to our old church. (The timing of being in the middle of this article was truly God inspired). People naturally asked how things were going.  In all honesty, I thought I was doing better. I mean, in all truthfulness, I hadn’t cried in a couple of months.  But in that moment my friend touched on something that I was clearly struggling with….my inadequacy as a home educator.  She hugged me and said she would pray for me, then she said these amazing words, “Evan will be alright!!!” He words were so simple yet so profound. She went on to explain that there was no way that he wasn’t learning and that I needed to stop doubting myself and listening to “societies opinion of success and education”. In my heart, I do know all the learning that happens in and outside our home. If anything I am probably trying to teach him more because we are constantly together. But even so I had allowed the negativities that I hear to affect my confidence.

I am not going to even go into detail or defend our life choice, I am just going to heed those words, “Evan will be alright.” I am going to keep my eyes on Jesus and keep doing the best that I can each day. And the truth of the matter is that all three of my boys are “going to be alright”. Did I make mistakes along the way in their lives? I am sure I did. Did I love them whole-heartedly and unconditionally? You bet I did. Did I try to raise them with love for the Lord, respect for others and integrity? Without a doubt yes!

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks-They are still God’s children entrusted to me to raise and I AM Enough for them! Us mommies need to spend more time reflecting in God’s words and reminding ourselves that we don’t have to be perfect or live up to someone else's expectation for our life. 

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

Lets not spend anymore of the precious time we have with our babies worrying about things we probably can't change or really don't need to do differently.  Because in most instances you are already doing a fantastic job....need I say again, YOU are Enough!

Happy Belated Mother’s Day Friends!

~S